Your wife's labor experience may be the most stress you ever encounter in your life, but understand that it's even more stressful, and painful, for your wife. If you want to get through this moment with as much ease as possible, then you should learn how to help your wife through labor by following some proven steps.
1. Be prepared as much as you can be before the big day. If this is not your first time in the labor and delivery room, then you will know what to expect. However, if this is your first time, educate yourself on the protocol. You and your wife will probably be expected to attend a childbirth class, so pay attention. On the day of delivery you will want to have an idea of what is going on so you can help.
2. Be patient during the first stage of labor. Contractions usually occur hours before the baby is ready to come out. This would be a good time to get the maternity bag into the car and call whoever you had planned to watch your other children.
3. Take this time to support your laboring wife. If this is her first time, she may be scared, so keep her calm and relaxed, and pay close attention to the signs. Although the signs vary, look out for small recurring cramps and a little bowel pressure. Have your wife time them while you take care of her needs. The sensations will get stronger over time and closer together. Typically your doctor will want you to wait until the pain is so bad your wife cannot talk through it, and the contractions are 5 minutes apart. At this point you need to call the doctor.
4. Don't be hurt by your wife's negative attitude. Labor is really painful and it is very common for women to get irritable and fearful. During the process, say as little as possible. Limit what you say to encouraging words, such as, "You're doing a great job," or "I'm so proud of you." During the transition stage she may prefer that you don't touch her or even talk to her, and she may be hostile, but don't get angry with her. You need to understand that she is in a lot of pain and most likely afraid of the even more extreme pain to come.
5. Make sure that your spouse's birthing plan goes into effect, assuming she has one. This may not be a specific piece of paper with a list of labor wishes. You wife may have just voiced certain things, such as watching her baby with a mirror. Make sure she gets what she wants, as long as it's medically possible and within reason. Talk for her, if she is having a hard time communicating her needs, and be sure to consult her on things. Don't take things into your own hands. You should make decisions together.
6. Assist your wife through labor by fulfilling her needs. Massage her if she needs it, help her through the breathing techniques, and encourage her when she shows signs of fear or distress.
7. Acknowledge that there is only so much you can do. Don't give up supporting your wife in labor, but if she continues to push you away, and it seems like you cannot do anything right, step back. Don't get angry, take a deep breath, and just be there.
